Case study: How couple in early 60s avoid hostile divorce with collaborative approach

Case study: How a couple in their 60s avoided a hostile divorce with a collaborative approach 💭🤝

Background

James and Patricia, a couple in their early 60s, had been married for 35 years. With two adult children and a comfortable lifestyle, they had built a life together that included shared assets such as a family home, retirement savings, and a small business. After years of growing apart, they decided to part ways. James and Patricia were determined to handle the divorce with dignity and avoid the hostility that often comes with long-term relationships ending.

Initial Concerns

James and Patricia were both concerned about their financial futures, especially as they were nearing retirement age. They wanted to ensure they could both maintain a stable life without draining their retirement funds through a prolonged legal battle. They were also worried about maintaining a relationship with their children and avoiding placing them in the middle of their dispute.

The Collaborative Approach

Instead of pursuing a traditional adversarial divorce process, James and Patricia chose a collaborative divorce approach. They hired collaborative family lawyers trained in non-confrontational methods. The goal was to negotiate the terms of their divorce amicably, without involving the courts.

• Matter Management Plan: Before engaging in settlement talks, James and Patricia created a detailed matter management plan with their lawyers. This plan helped them understand their finances, discuss their respective needs, and ensure that they both had a clear understanding of their legal rights.
• Transparency and Communication: Both parties committed to maintaining transparency throughout the process. They avoided making sudden decisions about their finances or the sale of assets without consulting each other, which built trust and minimised conflict.
• Counselor Involvement: James and Patricia also worked with a counselor, who acted as a mediator to help guide their discussions on financial matters and communication. The counselor provided strategies for improving dialogue and keeping discussions productive, which helped them avoid unnecessary emotional flare-ups.

Key Strategies

• Legal Guidance: Both James and Patricia sought legal advice from their respective family lawyers before engaging in negotiations. Their lawyers provided insights into their legal rights, helped them assess whether the other party was being reasonable, and ensured that their expectations were fair.
• Collaborative Law Process: By choosing the collaborative law process, James and Patricia focused on problem-solving rather than confrontation. They entered negotiations with the intent of reaching a mutually beneficial agreement on asset division and spousal support, which ultimately saved them both time and money.
• Mediation for Parenting Issues: Though their children were adults, they had to navigate shared family events and potential grandparenting duties. A mediator helped them develop a post-divorce parenting plan, which set clear expectations for their future roles within the family, ensuring they could continue to co-exist peacefully during significant life events.
• Focus on the Future: Both parties were committed to focusing on their futures rather than dwelling on past grievances. This future-focused mindset helped them keep the process respectful and constructive.
• Finalising Agreements: Once they reached an agreement on financial matters and asset division, their lawyers prepared the necessary legal documents to be submitted to the court. This ensured that their agreement was legally binding, minimised tax implications, and prevented future disputes.

Outcome

Thanks to their collaborative approach, James and Patricia finalised their divorce within a few months, without stepping into a courtroom. They each received a fair share of the assets, retained most of their retirement savings, and, most importantly, avoided the emotional and financial toll of a hostile divorce. The settlement was amicable, and they were able to maintain a respectful relationship post-divorce, ensuring they could still enjoy family events with their children and future grandchildren.

This case illustrates how a thoughtful, collaborative approach to divorce—especially for older couples—can prevent hostility, reduce stress, and protect financial security.

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